Aphelion's soot-stained blizzards allowed atmospheric travel only a few days every year. The planet's residents called those days "summer". It had been the furthest world mapped during the second great galactic expansion, but each new wave made the name increasingly ironic. That it was inhabited at all was a testament to the stubbornness of mankind. The planet's distant sun warmed only a small band around the equator, and surviving for more than a few days outside of one of the planet's metal citadels was impossible. Satellites allowed for intergalactic communication, but only if the signals could reach them from the ground. Since the atmosphere was constantly polluted with smoke from volcanic eruptions, it was not uncommon for the planet to go for days in radio silence.
The planet's unparalleled isolation had lured the first hermits and sages, followed quickly by those who fought the raging blizzards to learn at their feet. The fame of Aphelion spread. The first university opened less than three hundred years later. Others followed. The planet's meager resources could not support the crowds, so off-world shipments were ordered to make up the difference. The cold atmosphere proved ideal for cooling the universities's massive computer labs, while the geothermal energy of the planet was tapped to power them.
Competition between the universities was fierce. Each year brought new surveys measuring them against each other, followed by rounds of editorials debating their metrics and conclusions. The staff of the Aphelion Institute of Knowledge paid close attention to these reports. Nothing was allowed to threaten their "Top Five" ranking. If a report suggested they were slipping in some area, it was quickly corrected. That is why, when a popular educational journal ranked them ninth in "Spiritual Fulfillment", the school hired the charismatic Dr. Saldon Douglas. Since the survey revealed that science majors reported especially low "spiritual connectedness", the board assigned him to their department. As the blizzards of Aphelion slowed to their annual minimum, the cruiser carrying him, and thousands of others, descended through the atmosphere. The current head of the science department, Dr. Dyson Judd, waited on a sheltered platform as the ship docked at the university's spaceport.
Robots scurried around the ship the moment it touched down, removing luggage and preparing it for its next flight. A wave of passengers flowed from the ship, spreading out in every direction. Ignoring the vibrant tide of chattering students, Dr. Judd watched for the few figures dressed in the traditional dark robes of a scholar. His lean face was motionless, but his eyes were alive, darting back and forth over the crowd, cataloging each person. Eventually they fixed on a short, grinning, and slightly overweight man, who was wrestling a heavy cart of books through the mass of milling students.
The man wound his way through the crowd with some difficulty, but finally reached the base of Dr. Judd's platform. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and then, with great effort, hauled his cargo up the stairs and into the quiet of the professors's quarters. He paused for breath a second time, wiped beads of sweat from his forehead, and thrust out his moist hand. "Director Judd! It's so nice to finally meet you."
Dr. Judd ignored his outstretched hands. "The pleasure is all yours."
"Ah, they told me of your wit. " He chuckled merrily. "Nothing like a bit of kidding to make everyone feel at home. I look forward to working together here at the Institute."
"Dr. Douglas ..."
"Please," he interrupted, "Call me Sal. All my friends do." He dried his hand on his robe and extended it a second time.
"Dr. Douglas, allow me to make myself perfectly clear. I have been at this university for one-hundred and fourteen years. I have been overseeing this department for the last thirty-two. In all of that time, I have never been less pleased at the arrival of a professor. I have recently had the displeasure of reviewing your so-called scholarly publications, and I must say that I have never read anything more damaging to the cause of education. In short, you are not welcome here."
"There's no cause for hostility." Dr. Douglas's extended hand finally fell to …